A White Girls Guide to a Uni-Budget Wine

Hard liquor does bad things to good people (and sometimes good things for bad people?) I’ve endured years of bad BAD hangovers, blacked out nights, often falling into a terrible drunken state that no one enjoys being around.

So, as a result of this, I’ve evolved from that blacked out drunk girl who didn’t make it out of the house at 10pm, to a happy-go-lucky, wine-filled woman who doesn’t continuously visit “liquorville”.

Since this recent change in preference of intoxicating beverages, I’ve had to test out different ones and find a better, cheaper alternative that would still result in ending up shit-faced by the end of the night – in the “safest” way possible of course.

As my civic duty to you, I’ve gathered up a few of the many that I’ve tried in the past couple months 🙂

All under $10, of course! (except 2)

We’ll start off with the ones that all basic grade 11 girls start with:

Girls night out/Wild vines – literally any flavor

These wines were probably the wine every girl chooses to start off with: they’re cheap, they’re a low alcohol content, & it doesn’t taste like wine.

It’s literally juice.

A solid choice to those trying to embrace their womanhood and break into the wine world.

Rating: 6/10

Jacobs Creek Moscato 

Good lord… the amount of times I got TOO drunk off this was enough. It’s a sweet wine with a little bit of a bubbly flavour. It is ALSO that wine that I can no longer drink because it reminds me of alcohol poisoning. Also a soft wine to start off with – but not one to continue with 🙂

Rating: -14.2/10

Jackson Trigs

So many people drink this, but I’ve never found what was good about it… gross aftertaste, and a little too heavy for me. But, obviously, I’ll drink it if offered!

Rating: 5.7/10

And… out with the old in with the new. Here’s my grownup girl list

Unreserved Riesling

Personally, I don’t think I could ever get sick of this wine. It goes with everything. It goes down easy – especially with a straw – and it leaves no gross-ass after taste that makes you look like you just sucked the shit out of a lemon. Plus the bottle is super pretty!

Rating: 11/10

XOXO Pinot Grigio Chardonnay 

Again, a little bit of a softer wine – an especially attractive choice when they sell for cheap in the 1.5L bottles 😉 Tasted it once, and would probably repurchase again

Rating: 7.8/10

Malivoire Ladybug Rosé

TRUE mom wine… because I stole this bottle out of my moms wine cabinet. None of my roommates really liked this rosé (find the accent aigu) but I guess I have a more “acquired taste” for this type of shit… and I downed the entire bottle in a night. Definitely not regretting that choice. A little more pricey, but the higher alcohol percentage does it justice.

Rating: 8/10

Two Oceans Sauvignon Blanc

Another solid white wine I stole from my parents 🙂 But at least one is within the budget!! No gross after taste but it definitely is a little bit stronger.

Rating: 7.6/10

Thirty Bench Riesling

By far, the most expensive bottle on the list, but my friends mom offered it to me one time and I loved it. Although it is a $30 bottle, it’s not gross, and it again, doesn’t leave you with a gross, heavy flavour on your palate. Save this for nights with bae – even though he doesn’t like wine anyways (perfect excuse for you to have the entire thing!).

Rating: 8.1/10

Peller Estates – French Cross Rose Tetra

Ahh, a classic. This one’s great when you’re at the grocery store on Thursday and didn’t have time to go to the LCBO but needed a 1L to get through Friday night… or a Monday night in that matter. Never a bad choice, but definitely needs to be cold when you drink it

Rating 9.6/10

Well there you have it. A complete guide to a cheap way to get plastered. I don’t consider myself an expert by ANY means, but at least I have a decently broadened idea of the $10 section at the LCBO 🙂


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